reality4now

Can't think of a title

2006-06-03T12:24:00.000-07:00

I love the fact that I haven't posted in over a month. I love the fact even more that I don't care...
(that was for those of you who wanted an apology)

I'm not going to lie, life has been out of control this last month, and its only going to get busier on Monday when summer camp starts, so don't expect to much this summer in the way of deep thought.

I've only got one thought for the day, so wonder of wonders this might be a short post. I'm tired of always feeling like I have to validate and defend myself. I'm tired of reading other blogs where people feel like they have to defend their box against attack. I'm disgusted with the fact that I'm going to naturally want to explain this post to people who don't get it... Why are we all so reactionary? I want to be part of a Christianity that is not bent on protecting the box. I don't want to be to be person who spends much of his time deflecting accusations people send my way--even if they are false accusations. Honestly, it is nothing short of rotten pride that makes me think I need to prove that I'm better than what people say about me.
We live in society that is bent on debating and proof, but this is not the way of Jesus. Jesus never felt compelled to defended himself.
What is even more sad is that we spend most of our time validating our actions to our other brother and sister's in Christ. And if we're not validating our actions than we're attacking the actions of another brother in order to prove our validity. What a vicious cycle we're living in. I don't want to be part of a Christianity that is so incredibly insecure. I don't want to spend my life proving myself or my ministry and I don't want to spend my life questioning or disproving another's ministry. I hope that I have reasons for everything I do; I hope that if the reasons are bad than I'm man enough to admit it and change my position; I hope that I'm fine with realizing that not everyone is going to understand why I do what I do even if they know the reasons. Maybe than Christians could happily co-exist and labor together for the cause of the ministry.

You know what really reveals the deceit of my heart? I wonder how much of this post is a reaction to how I've observed other Christians living? If my heart is really this wicked (which it is) than I have no right to vindicate or defend myself to others for any reason. I'm as the devil apart from the grace of God.

Ace...

2006-04-29T09:25:00.000-07:00

April 29, 2006

Dear Ace,
Well, it’s been just over a year since you left us. A lot has changed since then; I’ve changed since then, but than you probably know all of that. Your accident blind sided me and those closest to you. One day you were the Ace that we all loved hanging out with, but the next day you were a memory—not even a body in a casket we could say good bye too, just pictures and memories were all we had of you. That was (is) hard, bro. I know that you probably don’t have any desire to be back here in our shoes dealing with life again, but you left a massive hole when you took off—a hole that has not been easy to fill. Maybe the pain of that hole is really just me being a little jealous that you’re already finished with this life and that your new life is free from sin and pain, and yet I’m still here struggling with all of those things; maybe part of the pain is realizing that you don’t miss me because you are in a far, far better place than here. Dude, these things have been really hard for me to come to grips with. Time has only helped in the sense that I’m getting used the hole being there, but your absence still really hurts…
I’ll never forget that horrible Tuesday morning—it should have been fun, it was the last day of classes and my graduation was only a week and a half away, instead I had all sorts of reporters asking me to sum up my friendship with you and try to explain to them what kind of guy you were (that’s the only time in my life I’ve made the front page). That wasn’t really fair—I was so numb from the news that everything I said was mechanical. I hope I didn’t misrepresent you; but I did want people to know who you were. All the while I was trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my friendship with you was all just memories now—that’s a lot to swallow in the space of four hours.
I had all sorts of people ask “how are you” and they meant well, but it is such a trite question after something like that plus I’m still in shock so I can’t even tell people how I am. Instead I gave the patented answer of “I’ve been better” or “I’m hanging in there” or some other cliché phrase. My heart was touched with this expression of care and concern that people were showing, but I couldn’t really bring myself to share all of what I was going through with them—good grief, I wasn’t even sure what I felt, one second it was deep pain then next anger the next sorrow and on and on it went. In a sense I felt as if I was betraying my Christianity to voice doubts and fears and burdens; because for as long as I can remember it has been drilled into me that “God makes no mistakes” and “His will is always perfect” and “He knows what is best” and of course these are all true but none of it helped me deal with the pain. Therefore, as a result of not wanting to betray my cultural Christianity and not wanting to unload on someone who doesn’t know what I was going through the burden of your loss was dealt with for the most part privately. I know this would have disappointed you—you would have wanted me to be confident, to have me be fine with your “flight home.” It just wasn’t that easy for me though—the pain was too great to just ignore it. Maybe I should have talked this all out sooner with someone, but it just felt wrong to my Christianity to just dump all this junk that I was dealing with on somebody; especially when I was the one who was supposed to be strong. I wasn’t dumb enough to blame God, but it didn’t seem like there is any why to deal with the pain.
My mind was continually wondering around the fields of memory—it seemed like I could remember every conversation we had in precise detail. I could remember every time we did stuff together and where we did it and what we ate and who was with us. Times and places that I didn’t even know I remembered came flooding back to me after you left.
I never once thought that of all my friends you would be the one to leave us young—you were Ace. You were in better shape than I ever hope to be in. You were so confident. You had so many connections—I’ve never met anyone else who knew has many people as you did. It seemed like your life was so planned out. If there was anyone who could have done whatever they wanted with themselves it would have been you. This was the Ace that I knew; I just always expected that you would be around for years and years, and that we would be friends for the rest of a long life, but than you left and I was reminded that I can’t assume anything.
I told you things were different now; I told you I was different. In a lot of ways it all started with you dying, but I think you would like how I’ve grown and changed. I think this was one of the few times in my life where I exercised real faith. I wanted to quit, I wanted to believe that the pain would go, I wanted it all to end. But I made a conscious decision that just because I couldn’t see a reason or just because it hurt so bad didn’t mean that I was going to stop believing that God is. My faith is so much stronger now and my relationship with God has deepened and blossomed in ways that I wasn’t sure were possible. Life has taken on a much more serious outlook for me. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t remember you and remembering you reminds me that I only have so long to live. My final days need to be marked with a love for God that consumes my love for others. It’s ironic for me to say this, but your death had more impact on me than your life did—maybe that is what you would have wanted. You always wanted to touch people’s lives, and when you were alive you did, but when you died you grabbed hold of people’s lives and shook them up.
I really miss you bro, especially at this time of the year when it all happened. You would have been graduating yourself next week. But you’re not sad about missing that, are you. You’re not at all sad about having your life cut short. I wish I could have your perspective right now because it’s not clouded by sin and personal sorrow, and your faith has finally been made sight…even though my faith is still blind, I rejoice that I have a confident hope that someday I will join you again…
I probably won’t write you another letter before that time I see you—I don’t think I need to; but I did want to tell you that it was (still is) hard, but that I’ve grown so much because of all of it.
I hope you don’t mind but I’m going to put this letter on my blog; because I know that a lot of other people have gone through something similar to this, and if they haven’t yet, they will, because this is life. I know you would want me to be honest about dealing with your absence and that you would hope that other people would be able to learn from my honesty. For the first time, then, I’m going to put what I went through in a place where lots of people can read and learn from it all—there you go, touching me from the grave again:)

I will always miss you but I’m eternally grateful for how you changed my life.

Matty

4--25--05

2006-04-26T22:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday is one year, today is one year since I found out. I have a lot of things I want to say about loosing a good friend and that pain it has been, but I'm not really sure how to say everything. All I know is that is still hurts and sometimes seems just like yesterday. I've resisted saying much about this on this blog--maybe I think its just to personal, maybe because its something I'm still wrestling with...I don't know. It might be a few days before I get my thoughts organized enough to share with you my pain and hurt but also what I learned. I guess until than I just want to say that I still miss Ace and I'm not ready to let this day go by yet without acknowledging that I still feel his absence.
I appreciate all of you who have acknowledged your prayers and love--It's comforting to know that you haven't forgotten...

Sharing the Story

2006-04-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

Beware this is going to be long; only venture in if you are prepared to read for a while and engage in some tough thinking…

Have you ever wondered why our Bible is not written like a systematic theology book? How come, when we use the Romans road, we “travel all over Romans” to tell the gospel story? Why is Christ never recorded as using a “method” to share the truth of His coming? In fact His gospel presentation was always specifically tailored to the person he was witnessing to…The rich young ruler was told to sell all his possession and give them to the poor, and than follow Christ. Nicodemus was told he “must be born again” (which btw was not a cliché Netcasters answer—he was connecting with Nicodemus on a pharisaical tradition). The Women at the Well was asked if she wanted something that offered lasting satisfaction (satisfaction being an obvious problem in her life because she had 5 different husbands). The woman with the issue of blood was told to “believe”. When Christ seemingly shut the door on the Gentile Women’s plea for help, she responded with a plea for Christ to “throw her scraps as he would a dog,” he responded with a statement that he had not seen such great faith in all of Israel and as a result she was guaranteed eternal life…

It seems that sharing the gospel is not best suited to repetitious outlines and repeat-after-me-prayers, and yet that is how it is presented.
I wonder if we have become so stuck on getting out the problem of sin, the penalty for sin, and the plan for redemption that we failed to “tell the story as it really happened”.
What would it be like for us to begin our salvation story at creation instead of the fall? To tell people how God created a perfect world and how people lived in that perfect world. To point out that their own earning for honesty and fairness is simple proof that God created a perfect world. Obviously the fall destroyed this perfect world, but that salvation can reconcile a broken relationship between God and man, and we can still return to living life the way God intended it to be lived.
It seems that in our zealousness to “get people into heaven” and “out of Hell” that we have tons of premature salvation decisions (c’mon, how come 90% of all people who make the decision at 4 or 5 end up having to “get assurance” or realize that it is a “heart decision and not a head decision,” or the just had to make sure “because they had doubts”). When someone was saved in the bible there was an obvious commitment to a way of life that accompanied their decision. This “way” was living as Christ lived—taking care of the poor, helping the marginalized and oppressed, teaching meekness, forgiveness and humility, braking down religious preconceptions and error. People who chose to “follow Christ” realized they were taking on a commitment to live this way. Now, we’re just worried about saving people from hell that we think the whole live like Christ did happens “when we surrender everything” in a post salvation decision. So what would it be like if when someone made the decision to “be saved” they realized that salvation was kind of like a wedding and that Christianity was like marriage—it’s a commitment. It’s not easy. It takes lots of work. There are tons of frustrations and setbacks. There are times when it seems like it would be easier to chuck the whole thing, but we’ve committed to Christ and so we’re not willing to throw in the towel. Sure marriage is a beautiful thing, but it’s all of these other things as well. Salvation seem to follow the same lines…perhaps were salvation told this way, we wouldn’t feel like so many of our churches are dead, and we wouldn’t have lost so many of our own young people.
I came across this the other day and I think it puts what I’m trying to say in understandable terms…

“Yesterday, I went to the store and I bought four new tires.”…end of story.
It is a short story, I know, but I need you to do something to make reading the rest of this worth while. Choose one word that captures the meaning and the essence of that story.
One word.
Have you chosen yet? If you need to stop and read the story again, go ahead. Take your time.
OK time is up. If you understood what I meant by my instructions, I’m guessing you probably chose some word similar to “shopping” or “purchase” or “transaction.” If you really got in to that story you might have chosen some word like “torque bearing load extension” which is more than word and doesn’t exist. If you wandered off in the middle of that story, you might want to seek some professional help about your attention deficiency. You may be alerted to your need if your word choice has more to do with the squirrel outside your open window than it does with a story that was told in twelve words. Your lack of focus might also be tipped off if you have just found yourself counting the words in the story.
Now that we are on the same page, I am going to be making some presumptions about the words you might choose as I retell this same story several times. Take time to think of a new word at the end of each telling.
Here is the same story with an additional detail included.
“Yesterday, I went to the store and I bought four new tires for my next-door neighbor.”…end of story.
Your word is…?
I’m guessing your word has changed as the story takes on a new dimension. A word like “generosity” or “charity” might be your choice.
Let’s do it again.
“Yesterday, I went to the store and I bought four new tires for my next-door neighbor with money that he gave me.”…end of story.
Again, choose a word.
I’m guessing I’ve been knocked down a notch or two as the story is now about “errand” or “favor” instead of our previous choices. To keep the squirrel watchers engaged, I need to quickly tell the story again.
“Yesterday, I went to the store and I finally bought four new tires for my next-door neighbor with money that he gave me three years ago.”…end of story.
And this story can be summed up with what word?
It seems like the essence of this story talks about “procrastination” or maybe “delinquency” might come to mind.
Again.
“Yesterday, I went to the store and I finally bought four new tires for my next-door neighbor with money that he gave me three years ago. It was birthday money that he intended for me to buy new tires for my truck.”…end of story.

You might pause to think this time. Choose a word before I force one on you.
My mind goes to the fine art of “regifting” or maybe you would go back up to the words “generous” and “charity.”
We have gone through big shifts in our thinking to categorize this story from “delinquency” to “generosity” simply by shedding additional light on the details and depth of the story.
One last time.
“Yesterday, I went to the store and I finally bought four new tires for my next-door neighbor with money that he gave me three years ago. It was birthday money that he intended for me to buy new tires for my truck.
As I pulled out of my driveway to go purchase the tires, his dog, my neighbor’s only real family, darted out from between our fences, and I ran over it. I decided that I was going to do what it takes to pay for this dog’s medical care. I went into debt with medical bills for the dog, but six days later, it died.
My neighbor didn’t talk to me for six months.
Despite my financial debts, that cash for new tires sat untouched on my dresser.
Though it’s been three years It’s still ####### him. Most of my gestures of kindness are not accepted, as he wouldn’t want me to think of it as somehow representing forgiveness. But yesterday, after years of heartfelt attempts, I noticed another need. His tires were balding.
‘You know,’ I said softly, ‘I never got around to spending that cash you gave me for what you intended. I wonder if you wouldn’t let me buy you some new tires?’
He paused, got real quiet, then finally said, ‘OK…yes.’”…end of story.

You probably chose your word before the story was even over. Hopefully you chose a word like “restoration” or “reconciliation” because now that you’ve heard all these details, you recognize that is what this story is about.
How about this Story, “You are a sinner. Jesus died for your sins. Believe on Him and when you die you will go to Heaven.”
If that is how we tell the Story, we might lead people to believe that the story is about “transaction” or “generosity.” But that’s not what this Story is really about.
This version of the Story would lead you to think that it is about Justification, but it is not. The Gospel Story, the Story of the Bible, the Story of human history is a Story of reconciliation.
I would contend that we are addicted to and gorged on the Justification version, and it leaves us starved for the nutrition that would come from Reconciliation. We tell the Story as if it starts with the Fall instead of where it does begin, at Creation.
I have spent my life in church traditions that typically tell the Story in the same manner an ad executive might sell a car. Create an internal crisis that establishes a need. Once that need is acknowledged, present the product we are selling as the best fit to meet that need… There are a few problems in presenting salvation in the same method of commercialism and modern methods. One of those problems is that it tends to present the Story in a way that leaves out a lot of the background and depth. We should not console ourselves with some cliché about “needing to get them lost before we can get them saved.” God created a world reconciled to Himself, the fall destroyed this, but He still wants the world to be reconciled to Him, so He sent His son. Not just so we don’t go to Hell, but so that a relationship is restored, and there is a return to living the way we were created.
Why does the “Romans Road” telling of the story, so often begin with establishing sin as the problem? It is a problem, but the difficulty is not that those facts are untrue. They are true. Justification is true. It is a wonderful blessing that should be celebrated. We are declared righteous, just as if we had never sinned. But, in light of the Story’s essence, Justification is a by product in the story of God’s Reconciliation of all creation.
And, I did go to the store yesterday to buy four new tires. It is just not what the story is about.
What would my life be like if I could balance our emphasis on Justification with an emphasis on Reconciliation? What is it like to read the Bible with a construct that emphasizes what the Story is really about? What do the teachings of Jesus mean when I read them with an emphasis on the essence of the Story, and not the Justification model?
So when we tell the Story to others…
Start with Creation, In the Beginning, instead of staring with the Fall.
Instead of just emphasizing Justification and the benefits of the future, let’s emphasize Reconciliation and the implications of right now.
God is in the business of reconciling the world to Himself.

I can’t take credit for the story and the discussion that follows, both belong to someone else, I do feel though it at least makes an attempt to “tell the story in its entirety”…what do you think?

Ultimate Reality

2006-03-25T11:09:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm finally coming out of hibernation --maybe I shouldn't speak so soon. Perhaps this is just coming out for some fresh air. Whatever the case I finally finished my thoughts on reality so I figured I'd get them out to all of you right away....but first a little madness
I did have to cry myself to sleep last night after Boston College and Gonzaga lost in the same weekend. I mean who wants to see UCLA anyway go an any farther? And as for BC I was hoping they would win just because I don't care how long its been since Villinova has advanced to the elite eight. However, I still have Texas taking all of it--so my fingers are crossed and my rabbit's foot is close by. Seriously, all in all this has been a phenominal march madness-tons of upsets, lots of buzzer beaters, some stars rising to the occasion others falling, some applying for stardom others still warm the bench--I mean it has been beautiful. For me March Madness is like light at the end of the tunnel--Warm weather is around the corner, school is a month and a half away from being done (for those of you still in it:) and it's only five months until preseason starts!

Now to the topic at hand:
Some good thoughts were left on reality, here's mine... Honesty betrays the finger print of God on our life. Like Prof.digory said being real is attractive because that is the way reality works. Everyone appreciates honesty, everyone hates hypocrisy. If you were talking to the average joe on the street they would tell you that they hate when people are hypocritical. Why are people so naturally repulsed by hypocrisy and so attracted to people who are genuine (real or honest)? Because at our very core we were created to live in reality, which manifests itself such as loving others, being honest, hating that which is not complete or whole. When someone gives their life for another, there is something in all of us that connect with this act of selflessness…Why do we all connect with this? Because God created us to live selflessly, and give sacrificially to others; the problem was that the fall messed us all up—we are broken, messed up people, so our nature now is to live selfishly, to not live sacrificially, to live and not really love others; however, that fingerprint of God is still evident and it reveals itself when we connect with reality.
So the obvious question is, “What is reality?” I would say ultimate reality (reality in its purest form) is a return to living the way that God created us live before the fall. We know that we were created in God’s image. Among many other characteristics this includes truth, love, and justice. For example, God is love. This is who God is. It is not a byproduct of being God; this makes God, God. God is one (he is whole, he is integral, he is complete). Once again this is the nature of God—this is who he is at the very core of his being. God is a creator. Do you realize that God created the world and us because God creates? It’s what he does. God did not create humans because he was lonely and needed someone to keep him company. No, we were created, in His image, because God, at His very core, is a creator. And these are only a few of many that we could go on and on for hours about. These characteristics make God who he is, and since we were created in the image of God, These characteristics are also in us. Now, like I said, the fall broke us—we are messed up people, but these characteristics, to a much lesser extent, are still at the core or who we are.
Now Considering that Love, truth, justice, compassion, passion, courage, service ect. make up who we are, consider just a few of the Ten Commandments… Do you know why lying is such a vile wicked sin? It has nothing to do with, “because God commanded it” or because “lying destroys lives” or any of the other reasons that are normally given—these are byproducts and side issues. Lying is wrong because God is truth; it’s just who He is, so lying contradicts the very nature of God. How about adultery? We all know that adultery ruins families; we all know that adultery is usually the result of uncontrolled lust; we all know that God says not to do it; but what really is the problem with adultery? Marriage displays the nature of God—it is a man and a women becoming one. God is one, He is whole, He is integral, He is complete, He is without a split. Marriages are to be the same way—adultery splits this oneness, it fragments what is to be complete. To commit adultery is to live opposite the nature of God. It the same reason for ###########—#### is wicked because it takes a person and separates personality, feeling, emotions, and personal history from physical form. It splits a person, and yet God is one. #### stands in direct opposition to who God is. Stealing is wrong because God is just and taking what doesn’t belong to you opposes this.
God created us in His image, so we could live in His image. This is why reality is such an attractive quality because someone is living the way they were created to live. Obviously sin is constantly getting in the way making it hard “to be real”, but when we see someone who is real, we all connect with it because at our core we know this is how people are to live.
It’s really so simple and yet we all live so contrary to it. We are hypocrites—every one of us, and we all hate other hypocrites but that doesn’t stop us. We all think we have an image to live up to—we’re to scared to be honest about who we really are cause we’re afraid people will look on us with disgust, so instead we put on a show. We’re all good at keeping it fake, but very few are good at keeping it real.
Being real is such an attractive quality because it is a person who is living the way he/she was created to live.

"...And bless this cliche to our body"

2006-03-03T19:44:00.000-08:00

Yeah, Yeah, I know I promised to publish posts more often, but what can I say? Its crazy busy here right now (I'm sorry to disappoint you Hannah and Emily). Also my thoughts on the question I asked in my previous post (what is so attractive about reality) are both deep and numerous but also unorganized. So bear with me as I collect my thoughts and figure out a way to communicate what is burning so deep inside of me...more on that later

So what's up with "Lord, bless this food to our bodies"? First of all is he really going to bless a super-sized big mac meal (oh, but I'm drinking diet coke)? And if the food is healthy--isn't that enough of an indication that he already "blessed" it? I'm all for being thankful for what God provided, but he's not going to add extra blessing to our food...especially when the only reason we ask for it is because that’s what people say at the end of a meal-time-prayer. Maybe I'm really getting at a deeper issue...maybe what I'm saying is that I don't talk to God like I have a relationship with Him. My prayers are full of clichés and cute phrases but I wouldn't talk like that to my friends. Or how about the times when we "pray in public" and our prayers have nothing to do with talking to God, instead we're more concerned that people around us think that we pray well. Good grief, sometimes I've prayed and then given myself a mental pat on the back because "that was a good prayer." Maybe this isn't even the deepest issue that I'm getting at; perhaps the issue is that what we consider our relationship with God to be is really nothing more than a show and a robotic response. It's so easy to give off all the right answers, it's so easy to play the part, its so easy to put on a façade, but in the end we're not in a relationship with God, we're in a relationship with Christianity.
I guess I want my life to have so much more meaning than just always being able to give the right answer. When I pray to God, I want to talk to God like he's my friend not some religious and historical figure, and when he's been good enough to provide me with nourishment I want to thank Him for his provision--not ask him to wave his "blessing" wand over the food.
I'm so thankful for Grace…I've really blown it a few times these last several weeks, but God has always been there to restore me and to continue loving me. Every day I have found His grace to be new and sufficient; it truly is marvelous. When I consider that almighty God is so lovingly faithful to continue teaching, growing, and discipling me, than how dare I treat Him or who He is as a Cliché.

A Tribute to Josh

2006-02-18T10:20:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,
It was only a week ago tonight that I experienced one of the finest displays of Fine Arts that I've seen in my 22 years. Of course I'm a little (ok a lot) biased because the display was put on by Josh, my little brother. To put it simply for you losers who didn't come--Josh rocked the house.

I was held in the palm of Josh's hand as directed me through a river of emotions; at times I wanted to cry at times I wanted to fight. Every note was played with so much passion and heart. His stylistic interpretation of the composers was flawless. We didn't need the pictures to go along with Mussorgsky's exhibition because Josh painted them for us in our minds eye, everything from chickens running around to small Children who were annoying adults to a legendary Russian character who kidnapped Children to the majestic and historical gate of Kiev.

At the end though, I only felt one emotion--pride. Proud that Josh was my brother, proud that he had worked so hard, and proud that he had done so well. Of course the encore was big pimpin' with his rosta hat and dreads, and don't forget the absolute stud outfit that Josh chose for his big night. All in all it was class act night--josh did everything with style, charisma, passion and good taste. I've never been so happy to have been "Josh's brother."

Of course my love and pride for my brother extends far past his night...Few people have taught me so much just through being alive as he has. His brilliant mind, his deep questions, his undying loyalty, His huge heart, his unique sense of humor have all been part of making me who I am today...Love you bro.

Elsewhere in my life...my little trip home last weekend was great!! I got to see a lot of old friends and even make some new ones. I was advised that I should "post more often" and that the posts shouldn't always take a half hour to read...oh well so much for that, but I will try to post a little more often:)...So balance was quite the topic. I don't want to reopen it all up, but did want to provide a defenition for balance since none of us took time to define it: A stance firmly grounded in scriptural principles, cultural relevance, and a belief in the personal work of the Holy Spirit; all three working in harmony for the glorification of God and the edification of Man. Moving on...something to think about--why is being "real" such an attractive quality?
leave some thoughts.

That's all for now folks

Balance

2006-01-19T18:48:00.000-08:00

Ok, first to those who were joining in on the discussion on my previous post, check it out cause I replied to some stuff on it.
Secondly, my question...I'm really looking for a lot of feedback on this so to the 350 who have been to this site, leave me some thoughts.
What is balance and how is it attained? Maybe my mind is still rolling around the "always right thing" (previous post), but somewhere there has to be logical middle ground where we are not ostracize the majority of people either to our right or left because of are our extremes. Of course if we all lived according to our view of balance than we would all be living by what we thought was correct balance (brining us back to the idea that we basically do what we think is right). Obviously, there is some subjectivity in this issue but I think that a lot of it is that balance for us equals what is comfortable. I think it would be great is I could quit living my life based on what is comfortable and what feels good, and so I'm curious if what I think is balance is really just where I peg comfortable Christianity. Of course some would say that the middle is the place of the least confrontation, its a place of mediocrity, and a lot of times they're probably right, so I don't want my belief system to waffle with every person I talk to just so I stay in the "safe middle." Than again sometimes the middle is the place where both sides attack you and you find that nobody likes you... I guess what I'm asking is what does it mean to be an "offense to no man except for the sake of the gospel"? And how many times do we, in the name of the "gospel," live offensively before the world but the offense comes from us as people not because of Christ? Is balance like sitting on top of a huge ball that has anchor ropes on all sides of it and we sit in the middle of the ball trying to stay aright? Or is it like a giant teeter-totter where we run out from the middle depending on how much weight is thrown on the other side just to keep both ends off the ground? Or perhaps balance is like a sitting on a knife-point precipice where the point is balance but to move either direction means a certain fall? Or maybe balance is like the third point to a triangle where what we consider to be "extremes" are really not extremes at all but just two other points on the same shape? Perhaps the only real example for balance is the life of Christ and so living like he did is the only way to be balanced...Maybe that is why the first believers were called "little Christ's", maybe that is what it means to "live as He did"...
What do you think?

Leftovers

2006-01-06T19:47:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this is going to be a little bit of everything so there is something here for all of you. First off the pic... I think one person got it right, but it goes in age order from left to right, Nate, Me, and Josh. It was taken in Texas last thanksgiving when Josh and I flew out to spend quality time with all three of us together again.
My Christmas vacation was a nice blend of family, friends, football, and food (the only things needed to make me happy:) I was thrilled to be a part of two weddings not because I like weddings but because my two best friends were getting married.
The greatest and most random gift I received this Christmas was a Richard Simmons "Dancing in Your House" workout video tape. A big thanks to Dale for that contribution to my audio/visual collection. I've always wanted to dance like good 'ol Dick--Maybe if I perm my hair, shaved my legs, fake baked, and listened to eighties music than I could have a video too.
On the much more serious side, a couple of thoughts to leave you with. Why do Christians (especially those from our circle) feel they are always right? A large percentage of what we say is tradition, education, and cultural brainwashing but not much comes from scripture. Partly because scripture is vague on some rather large issues and partly because we're not willing to examine our faith for fear that we might find loopholes. These thoughts are spurned on by a comment I heard someone say the other day. This was in the context of the tragedy with the miners who are(were) trapped and the false information that the media was giving out. Anyways the comment was made that some of the family members were talking about how "God was still good even if there loved ones were lost forever" and so that they "might be a little more in line with the way we think, so that is good." Now I have no problem with that first statement because God is good, period. Regardless of our circumstances God is good, but who cares if they are in line with the way we think! Why are we so quick to assume that we are expert analysis of any thoughts regarding God and spirituality? Most of us will try to come up with an answer or opinion to any spiritual issue and that only drives our answers farther away from really being biblical. I guess I'm just really tired of the"bless God, we're Christians and we're always right" mentality. This mindset is destructive to unity with other brothers and sisters in Christ (regardless of their denomination) and it repulses the world.
So why do we think we are always right, why do we have to have an answer for everything?--the bible doesn't give an answer for everything. Why must we?
Last thought for the day...I've been doing some reading and examining of my own life recently and I'm shocked with how much the idea of get-another-step-up-on-the-social-ladder is engraved in each one of us. I mean really when did we all start learning about the "cool" crowd and the "weirdo" crowd? The minute we realized that not everyone is alike. As we got older, some people turned into jocks and some into computer geeks but for most of us stuck in the masses of people scratching and clawing their way to the front of the race, we just wanted to be a little better than the person behind us. We wanted to dress a little nicer, look a little better, sing a little sweeter, run a little faster, score a little higher on tests, be a little more popular. And if anyone should threaten our social territory, than look out cause we were going to battle. Looks, athletics, money, and social clique became very important. None of liked the jocks--in fact we hated them, but we all idolized their status in life. We all felt a little sorry for the weirdos but not enough to be a friend because in essence if they were the brunt of mockery, than we were safe from it. Now that we are older and "spiritually mature" we tolerate the jocks and are nice to the weirdos but we still don't want to be friends because that might effect our social standing. Why must all of our self worth come from being just a little better than the person behind us? Can you imagine what it would have been like for Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden when all of their self worth came from God? There was no competition, no race. There was no self pity or self degradation they saw each other as totally unique and very specially created. So what has changed since than? Aren't we all humans? Hasn't God created all of us? Why are terms like ugly and beautiful, muscular or scrawny, fat or petite so very important for each one of us? To look past the clothes, personality, skin and bones, lifestyle, family, hobbies and see the central soul (not just their eternal soul--but their soul/spirit that makes them who they are) and to love that person without an agenda would change what we think is important in this life. Maybe all Men aren't created equal, but we can love them all equally. Perhaps when we're willing to love everyone, than our own social standing would not be so important.

Almost Home

2005-12-16T00:14:00.000-08:00

Well, it is 1 in the morning and I'm sitting in the Las Vegas airport waiting and waiting and waiting to get on a plane. Praise God for laptops and wireless, huh?
So, this is the first pic I've posted on my blog, maybe the last. It's one of my favorites though cause it's me and my brothers--don't we look great (see if you can figure out who is who)? And it is only a few more days till I get to hang with them again.
This weekend my friend Dale is getting married and than in two weeks my other close friend, Johnny is also tying down...You know relationships and friendship are pretty cool. I mean do you know how hard it would be to function without people. God knew even Adam in his perfect state needed a friend, so God gave him Eve. Man, those hermits are really missing out...but so is anyone else who doesn't have time for people.
You can see I'm not full of much creative juice tonight, just a lot of loose end ramblings, but thanks for reading anyway. Feel free to ramble too--we'll save the deep stuff for another late night... until then
Take luck

PS Oh yeah, I guess this is the second pic I published, the first is in my profile.

Confessions of a Disciple

2005-12-07T21:15:00.000-08:00

Sorry, this was supposed to be posted yesterday, but I was having some internet problems.

Ok, so a couple things tonight...I have this goal, and maybe it is way out there and far fetched, but I would really love to get some more impute back on some of this stuff. A big thanks to those who participate in the discussions, but it would be great to see this expand into a much bigger conversation--really almost like a think-tank or a brainstorm were we can throw out ideas and learn from other thoughts and opinions. Basically a give and take, I'd like people to be able to throw out ideas and questions and not feel as if they are going to be stepped on or made out to be inferior from others. Cause really we're all in this thing together, we're all on the same team--so lets help each other out.

Ok, with that in mind, back to the deep stuff:) The credit for the idea of this post goes to Donald Miller and his book, Blue Like Jazz, so I'm sorry it is not original with me, and for those of you who have read his book I hope you don't feel like I'm committing plagiarism, but just because it isn't original with me doesn't mean it isn't real with me; this is something that has really been working on me the last couple of weeks and I want to share it with you...
Don't you hate it when there is some public figure who claims Christianity and yet all they do is drag our Christian reputation through the mud? Like politicians or sports stars who publicly claim to be "Christians" and yet live like they are the only people on the planet; or perhaps it is the typical TV evangelist who are just weirdoes who take other people’s money . I mean these people really give the rest of us sincere Christians a bad rap, so that if we ever try to explain our faith with others the people we're talking with think we're some cult group. Than I began to consider just how "Christian" (little Christ's) our culture is. I think of friends whose only experience with Christianity is when some Christian authority crushed and broke their spirit or left stab wounds in their back. I think of a Christianity that is selfish and bent on living for themselves. I think of a Christianity that is not interested in loving people or investing in their lives but instead is more concerned that our Church visitors have a fundamental hair cut and remove that black lipstick, spiked hair, and dark eye-liner at the door. And for all of this I'm sorry, in fact I ask your forgiveness. I'm sorry that those of us who are supposed to represent Christ and his love have failed so miserably. You might say, "yeah, but you didn't do any of that stuff directly," and you're right, I didn't, but because I proudly call myself a Christian I feel responsible for the way we've let the world down. But then as I consider myself I realize this is not totally true, cause I did do some of this stuff directly. I'm sorry that when God says in Eph 2 that we are his workmanship created unto good works that I remember how little time or money I've given to help feed the poor and shelter the homeless--and how little of my life is devoted to doing good works like Christ did. I'm sorry for all my rotten pride that makes me feel better than my neighbors. I want your forgiveness for all the times I've been dishonest about who I am when I tried to make myself look better than I was (am). I'm sorry for all the times I've dragged Christ's reputation through the mud by being cruel, uncaring, and unloving to those who aren't like me. I'm sorry that my selfishness dictates a lot of what I do, I'm sorry that Christ hasn't been real enough in my life for other people to want have a relationship with Him... I guess when I review this list the only one to point a finger at for giving Christianity a bad rap is myself. I haven't been the disciple of Christ that I'm claiming to be and I know it has hurt people and for that I'm truly sorry... I guess this is all because I don't want to be the one the someone points to and says, "He's the reason that I don't know Jesus, He's the reason Jesus never became my friend." I want people to know that I'm a disciple, a student of Christ...And if I have to, I'll use words to let them know.
Thanks for listening and thanks again to Donald Miller for his thoughts...Leave some of your own thoughts.

Brothers

2005-11-29T21:16:00.000-08:00

Hey all, can't believe I'm posting twice in a day...but this one won't be quite so deep:) Had a great trip to Co for Whit's wedding. I ran into some old school buddies and we had a great time remembering. I also got to hang with my bro, Nate. Nate is my older brother who is presently finishing his Master's in Cello performance from the University of Texas, and he is the man. I miss him a lot especially now that I'm in Caly and he's in Texas, so it was great to catch up with Him. I wish you the best dude with all you have on your plate right now, keep me posted. I told Him about this blog so maybe he'll read about himself on it:) Josh is my younger brother and I miss him just as much. He's twice as smart now as I'll ever hope to be plus he's an amazing pianist, he's graduating in may with a double major (humanities and piano)...Just thought I'd say I miss both you guys and all the good times we had growing up.
Then of course there is Dale Mundt who is about the closest anyone has ever been to being a brother without being a blood relation. He has been my best friend since 5th grade and that deserves props cause I can be really annoying. He pretty much is the coolest friend ever because he's seen more movies than I have (and that is a lot of movies). He also served me (oh yeah and I guess our country too) for a year in Iraq so he's also my hero. We lived together for one wild and crazy summer and that pretty much bonded us for life. Oh yeah, and he's getting married in three weeks. Miss ya too Dude...
Well, this is meaningless to anyone who does not know me or my friends/family but my description says that some of the space will be devoted to family and friends, so I guess I'm fulfilling my mission statement. One of these days maybe I'll get girly and superficial by posting pics of me and friends on here, but only maybe--I kinda like the deep blog thing:)

Thankfulness

2005-11-29T16:56:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I promised my thoughts on thankfulness...I've found that I'm the most thankful for something when I don't have it. During the middle of August preseason I was never more thankful for God's provision of water. When I went backpacking in the Adirondacks for two days and only had with me what I could carry on my back I was never more thankful for the convenience of a hot shower, electricity, a comfortable bed, a fully stocked kitchen and a car! I know I've always heard that some of the most unthankful people are people who have everything, why is that? In my journey of faith then how does "not having" apply to me?. Perhaps I would appreciate God more when he's not so available to me. And so my friends don't think I'm going off the deep end, what I mean by "so available" is that our Christian sub-culture is so full of of "God" everything that he has ceased to be unique, he no longer is mysterious and far past our understanding--no, instead we have fit Him into our conceptual box. This really effects our theology of God, because now we think that He has to match whatever our modernistic culture has told us about who God is, when in reality the very concept of God is not a neat little package that can be wrapped up into 10 theologies. My purpose in this post is not to deconstruct our view of God (I'll save that juicy stuff for later:), but to point out that we have been so stuffed full of God that we are no longer famished for Him (I mean how appetizing does going out to eat at a five star restaurant sound after just finishing the thanksgiving feast?), and because of this our people are no longer thankful for God. Instead We equate God with Sundays and Wednesdays, Christian schools and colleges, and even for some the ministry. We say that we are thankful for God giving us a good church or family when what we really mean is that we are thankful that we have a comfort zone where we can operate in. I know some of you are thinking that I'm a heretic because it sounds like I'm suggesting less "God" in our lives, when what I'm really saying is that to us God is the reason for our culture and not a reality for lifestyle Christianity; consequently, we are not thankful people. You know I think God knew how this would be, maybe that is why our prayers are not always answerd, perhaps this is why sometimes he feels so distant and far away, because God wants us to appreciate him--not just what he did for us, but Him as a personality and spirit who has feelings, and when he is always there we take Him for granted. Really what most of us do is instead use God as our cosmic bellhop.
So is there really a practical way to have "less of God so we appreciate Him more"? I'm not sure, all I know is that when I'm away from my family and close friends I appreciate my relationship with them far more because when they're always around I take their relationsip for granted. I've found that it is similiar in my walk with God.
I just don't ever want to cease being amazed at God or famished for his presence, because when I cease to be amazed with God or I find myself no longer famished for Him than I also find that I'm not thankful for God anymore...
Leave some thoughts

Happy Thanksgiving

2005-11-24T10:46:00.000-08:00

Good morning all...Just wishing everyone a blessed thanksgiving. My plans for thanksgiving include a very long drive to CO for Laura Whitaker's wedding and then another long return on sunday. It will be great though to visit with a lot of college buddies.
Here's a thought to chew on while I'm gone...what really makes us thankful and how would you ever teach true thankfulness...leave some thoughts I'll give mine in a few days.

2005-11-21T21:38:00.000-08:00

Love Part II

Well, I'm sorry that my mind is a broken record right now, but I can't shake this internal "love" debate that I'm having with myself. I know I can throw out a lot of good sounding principles that people will agree with but for the most part those are just nebulous and completely cultural principles; however, as I observe my own life I see that these nebulous and cultural principles are having little to no effect in a practical way in my life, and I would assume (and perhaps wrongly) that there are a lot of other people just like me. Here's what's bugging me--If we study the lifestyle of Jesus we see that his ministry excelled in helping and caring for those culturally tabooed, such as the adulators, tax collectors, liars and all other manner of low-lifers. My deduction is that because that is how Jesus lived than he would be pleased if we lived that way too. However, I'm more familiar with the "condemn and judge the sinner" approach. for instance: On Saturday I visited Disneyland with some friends, while in line for a ride I noticed two lesbians who were flaunting their lifestyle. My immediate response is "Gross" and I kinda stared at them out of the corner of my eye disgustedly fascinated with them. I just don't think Jesus would do that though--especially when he was known for "eating with publicans and sinners." Perhaps a more zealous Christian than myself would feel the "spirit leading" to "confront" this transgressor with his sin all the while writing it off as "Christian love" or that he was "loving the sinner but hating the sinner." More likely than not he would pat himself on the back for being persecuted for Jesus when the offender told him dogmatically he was offended. Regardless of what option I chose or what option you choose the end result is that I/we have not loved my/our neighbor as our self.
So I have junk in my life...and none of it is pretty, now most people don't see it and many don't know about it, but it doesn't change the fact that it is there. And if I had the guts to just dump all my junk out, than many of you would say "gross." I'm certainly not proud of my junk and there isn't a day that goes by that I wish I could live above my junk, but the fact is that I have junk--and I still love myself. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't treat myself (or love myself) any differently even though I'm full of junk. So why do we treat homosexuals, who are more public with their junk than we are, with distaste. Are we better than them because our junk is all compressed into a neat little pocket of secrets that nobody knows about? And do we really love homosexuals when the most contact we have with them is to shove their junk down their throats. I don't know about you, but that is not an effective help method with me, why should it be with them? Why don't we take time getting to know them as a person and a human who has feelings, desires and goals rather than ascribing to them almost a neuter quality. I'm not condoning their junk, but I don't condone my junk either and I still have it and have to deal with it. The bottom line is that to in any way look with disdain on a homosexual is to make myself better than they are when really we're both humans who have junk to deal with. Jesus never played favorites with his lavish love--why should we?
Maybe now when I'm reminded to love my neighbor as myself it carries with it some strong practical application that will make this principle real and relevant for the culture I live in.

2005-11-15T13:53:00.000-08:00

My apologies for not posting sooner, but we've had some internet problems...
So what does it really mean to "Love your neighbor as yourself"? And is this even possible? When I contemplate just how much I love myself, I'm struck by the thought that it would never be possible to love others that much, cause there just isn't time...Anybody who is honest would have to agree that we are consumed with ourselves 24/7, and when we say that we love somebody what we really mean is that we love what that person does for us, or how they make us feel. Because to love someone as much as I love myself means that I am consumed with their welfare of every second of every day of every year that I am alive. We don't forgive people because we hate how they made us feel, we hate that they made us look bad and really all it is revealing is how much we love ourselves. And then to contemplate exactly who is our neighbor takes this discussion to a whole other level. Your neighbor is the person who lives right next door to you right? Well how about a little bit deeper definition: your neighbor is the person who in the course of every day life comes in contact with you. They are not your close friends or family they are just people who brush shoulders because of similar situations. Really this leaves the door open for anyone to qualify as our neighbor. So we are to love everybody every second of every day of every year that we are alive--no vacations. The problem is that I know this and yet when I'm driving down the road and i see a homeless man I look away ashamed, hoping he didn't see me stare at him in his condition, but because I don't want to be late for whatever I drive right pass McDonald's or all of a sudden forget that I have 5 bucks in my pocket, and if once in a blue moon I actually do something about it then I feel like patting myself on the back because I've been charitable and I want people to notice my good deeds. Yet if I love that man like I love myself I would do whatever I could to make his situation more comfortable and I would do it in such way that he wouldn't feel like I was offering him a sympathy card, and I would treat him like I would any other person simply because that is exactly what I would do for myself. I really just want to love people, without any kind of agenda (because how can it be real love when there is an agenda attached) I want to feel like I could give away everything I owned and not feel as if I had done some great deed simply because that is how I would treat myself.
People connect with this "doing good" and "helping others" stuff. There is something in side of us that is like "yea, that is good." And just maybe when I love people the way Jesus wants me to love them, then those people will understand just how much Jesus loves them.

2005-11-12T09:48:00.000-08:00

Good Morning,
This is the first post from reality4now, so I thought it might be good to explain my name and purpose. Have you ever wondered what life is all about? If your background is similiar to mine and you grew up in a Christian culture have you ever wondered if it is a real? Have you ever wondered if Christianity still "works"? These are just a few of the broad question that I know many are asking themselves because I ask myself these questions at times. I can't pretend to have all the answers, so I just want to be real and honest about what I call my faith, and as I share my victories, doubts and fears maybe others will relate and be able to identify some of these smae things in their life. I want my faith to not be the result of some sub-culture that I have experienced, but to be real and be something that is more than just a culture. It is a faith that is a way of life and it is a life that is lived at all times. It is a lifestyle not just words, I want people to know that I am a disciple of Christ... and if I have to I'll use words. I'm just in the infant stages of exploring the greatness and mystery of my God and so I see my faith as a journey and not a destination. And if any have some of the same question that I do and you want to be along for the exploring than I'd love to take you with me...